MCJ Advent Calendar - Day Twenty-Three - Andeen

In going back and re-reading my MCJ posts for the first time in ten years there were a few posts that I remembered very well, and then a bunch that I had a vague recollection of writing, and a few that I didn't even remember thinking of, much less writing. Of the last group, what follows is my favorite. I'm surprised I don't remember writing it because it's super complicated. I think I had been reading a lot of magic history at the time and inspired by Houdini, Hardeen, and other old magic rivalries, I introduced my brother, Andeen to the site. This is a needlessly complex series of posts that went on over multiple days over four different blogs. (Three of which still exist so I can link you to those posts directly.) 

This was pretty much the last thing I posted on the Magic Circle Jerk. A few days later all the posts would disappear and I would follow suit for the next ten years.

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Monday, November 14, 2005


I received an interesting telegram from my brother yesterday.

Arriving home tomorrow [stop] Ship comes in at 2:00 [stop] Looking forward to seeing you [stop] Perhaps we might catch a New York Knickerbockers match [stop] Big plans [stop] Can't wait to discuss them with you [stop] Love, your brother [stop]

Yes, it seems my brother is returning from Europe tomorrow after a couple of years as that continent's most successful magic blogger. I'm actually not quite sure why he is returning and I am curious what his intentions might be. 

Of course I'm very happy to be seeing my brother again after all this time away, I'm just concerned about what these "big plans" might entail seeing as how he was doing so well for himself in Europe. Well, we shall see. I'll keep you updated.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Consarned It! 

I should have known my brother was up to something when I received his telegram yesterday. He has always been very jealous of me and the fame I've garnered with my magic blog. I was even kind enough to share with him some of my trade secrets as long as he did his blogging overseas and didn't infringe on my magic blogging here. 

Was that good enough for the old boy? Not by a long shot. 

My brother Andeen has now set up a magic blog here in the States. 

I'm just glad my dear departed mother isn't here to see this now.

Andeen, you haven't heard the last from me!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

You Fucking Assholes 

I've been writing this site for two fucking years and my brother's site is up for one goddamn day and a few of you dicklickers are so quick to abandon this site in favor of my brother's? I saw your comments there. I know it's only a few people, but what's that old saying, "For every one rat you see there are fifty you don't see"? 

And don't think I don't totally recognize who some of you are. It's funny how you can be so buddy-buddy with me over e-mail these past two years, but then as soon as the "hot new thing" comes around -POOF- you're gone. Whatever happened to loyalty? So he has one hilariously well-written post. Is that all it takes?

Well, fuck the whole lot of you, I don't need you.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Boycott Magical Circular Jerkular 

It has come to my attention that my brother is now stealing my jokes. For instance, his recent joke about Albert Goshman being a particularly tidy masturbator because he has sponge balls is a joke that I have been finely honing in my workshop for 18 months now. Apparently Andeen saw this when he visited for dinner last Easter and now he has appropriated it for himself.

If that's the type of ethics you're looking for in the magic blog you read, then by all means, continue to enjoy my brother's abomination of a site. However if you'd like a higher standard in magic blogs then I urge you to boycott the Magical Circular Jerkular and any companies that do business with him. Including:

The Queen Mary 2 (the ship he came over on)
Illusion Ministry
Darkest Africa
Albert Goshman
Johnny Brilliant-pants brand men's slacks

Eventually our faux rivalry was sniffed out by a third fake blog, The Magic Blog Watchdog.

And, if this hadn't gotten dumb enough, that blogger was now being confronted by his brother on The Magic Blog Watchdog Watcher.