A Revelation

We all have 202 methods to force a card, but there are never enough good card revelations. Sure, you have that one where you put your middle and ring finger against your forehead, concentrate, and say, "The four of hearts?" And the one where you put your index finger to your temple and say, "The four of hearts!" But it never hurts to expand your repertoire.

One of my favorite card revelations came from two guys I greatly admire, noted Mazda pitchmen, Penn and Teller. The particular revelation I'm talking about is a piece of footage that is meant to look like some video from the nightly news. At one point the broadcaster pulls out a playing card and says, "Is this your card?" The idea being that you force a card on your spectator, try and find it,"fail," and then say, "Hey, let's watch some news." You then start the fake news clip and bring the trick to a successful conclusion.

Here they are demonstrating the trick on their special The Unpleasant World of Penn and Teller.

Unfortunately, you can't really perform this trick with this revelation anymore. If you try, you will get questions like:

  • Why are we watching the news?
  • Why are we watching the news on the computer?
  • Why are we watching news that is clearly 20 years old?
  • Why are we watching news labelled "The Unpleasant World of Penn & Teller: Card Force Demo"?

The truth is many people don't watch the news anymore and even if they do, this clip is clearly too dated.

What I wanted to do was create a card revelation based on something people do still watch, like online porn. And something it does make sense to watch on the computer, like online porn. And something that would not be dated anytime soon, like online porn.

So I made a card revelation that looks like online porn.

Here's how it works.

Step 1. Force the three of clubs on someone.

Step 2. Try to find the card but fail. Look ashamed, but then get angry and tell them they "shuffled too much." Make it their fault. This is probably consistent with the way you'd handle the situation for real, you creep.

Step 3. Say, "Let's just watch some online porn. I found this good POV porn site where girls fuck their tutors."

Step 4. Go to your computer and visit the site: mysextutor.com.

Step 5. Press play on the top video.

Step 6. Pull out your dick and start stroking it lightly. Don't start furiously masturbating. You're just loosening up. Getting warm. Remember what Vernon said, "Good god! Stop jerking off like a maniac! Heavens to Betsy! This porn has barely started, you animal!"

Step 7. Encourage your friend to start masturbating too. 

Step 8. The video is long enough to give you time to compliment your spectator's genitals. Feel free to jump ahead in the video in order to "get to the good stuff." Near the end of the video your card trick will come to a successful climax. If you can, time your ejaculation to that moment for a kicker ending.

Step 9. Bring your spectator to a successful climax.

It's good to be back. See you tomorrow.