Gardyloo #17

Thanks to everyone who submitted suggestion for the JAMM model's group name. Most of the suggestions were terrible, but some were pretty good. There were too many for me to write back individually so consider this a group thanks. 

I did end up choosing someone's idea and I'll reveal it tomorrow in Thursday's mini-post. Mainly I just wanted to choose something that made sense and was pleasant. I'm friends with many of these women, or they're friends of other people who help out with the site. I don't want it to be like, "Hey, look, you're the JAMM Cum Dumpster for March!"


Yo. Why didn't anyone tell me about this movie? It's like everything I enjoy all rolled up into one thing: magic, genre movies, the backing of the WWE, black people. If you don't think I'll be seeing this opening weekend, you don't know me very well.


Imagine you walked out to your driveway and there were two new cars there. 

"I want you to picture one of those cars begins to float in the air," I tell you. "Which one is it?"

"The blue one," you say.

"Okay, that's the car you get to keep."

You would never think, "I chose to keep the blue car." You wouldn't actually know what to make of the whole "picture a floating car" thing. But, hey, free car, what the hell, you're not going to complain.

This is bad equivoque. And it's especially transparent when you're implying the spectator is making free choices that have some meaning

For equivoque to feel convincing, they have to feel like they know the outcome of their action before they make a choice. I've written more about this on this site and demonstrate it with a couple effects in JV1 in the Third Wave Equivoque section. But that was over a year ago and I want you to keep it in mind if you do any effects of this type. 

As a reminder, I've created this public service announcement. (Apologies to Chris Ramsay who does a lot of things well, but this technique isn't one of them. Think of it this way: If at the end of the selection procedure the spectator is holding one card, there is another "floating in the air," and then it turns out the "selection" is the one the magician is left with... that ain't good equivoque, baby-boo.)


A week or so ago I posted about the concept of pouring water on dry-erase marker to make what you've drawn release from the surface. As per this gif that was circulating...

While in an email conversation with James David I came up with an idea that might push you further towards a magical effect. Or at least something a little more layered than, "This is what happens when you pour water on dry-erase marker."

Let's say you're with your friend. You have a plastic folder or a small mirror or something else you can draw on in front of you. "Tell me if you know who this is," you say. And you draw a stick-man on the surface of the item you have with you. 

"Okay. Any idea?" you ask.

They stare at you blankly.

"Really? Uhmm... uh...." You kind of shake your head and stare at your drawing as if to say, How do I make this any more clear?

Struck with inspiration you pull the marker back out and draw a rectangle around the stick-man. 

"So...." you say, expectantly.

"What is... I don't know what you're asking...you want me to tell you who the stick-man is? I don't...," they blabber.

"You seriously don't know? The context clues aren't helping?" you ask, pointing to the box. "Wait... I know," you say, and you flip the drawing upside-down.

They shrug. 

"It's Houdini, you jackass! Oh my god. You're losing it," you say. "It's Houdini in his water torture cell." 

You hold up the marker. "This is Houdini's Sharpie," you say. "I bought it from a collector. He wanted 500 bucks for it, but I talked him down to $450. That sucker." You lovingly admire your obviously brand new Sharpie for a moment.

"I think it still has some of that old Houdini magic in it. The water torture cell was like a phone booth filled with water that Houdini would be placed in upside-down, and then he had to escape."

You take a little bit of water and pour it over what you drew. The stickman floats off the surface and you blow him out of the box or tip the surface so he slides out.

The method is, of course, that you draw the stick man with a dry-erase marker that looks similar to a Sharpie. You put the marker away as if you're done.  Then when you decide to draw the box you remove the Sharpie as if it was the same marker. And that's what you leave in play until the end

I haven't performed this for anyone other than myself. I realize it's not the most mystifying thing in the world and played straight it would be a little corny. But with the right attitude I think it would be a fun and charming little visual moment. The marker switch is motivated and shouldn't be an issue, it happens before the trick starts. Pouring on the water makes sense to the story. And you get to preen like a smug idiot when you talk about how you bought Houdini's Sharpie.  

Proposed Names for JAMM Covergirls

I like some of these, but don't love any. 

"JAMM Majokko"  has a nice sound/rhythm
Jean Marie B.
[It does sound nice, but too obscure.]

How about calling each of them a JAMM Miss? Then there's the obvious joke of putting them on you before you sleep.
Brandon T. 

I think something along the lines of the JAMM Janes or the JAMM Jenny's might be a fitting name for the cover models... Either one of the J names were somewhat popular in the 60s, 70s (which echoes the awesome retro vibe of the mag) It also makes them sound like they'd have Daddy issues and just need to get out of this God forsaken town... 
Justin G.

JAMM Muffins (same problem as tarts?)
JAMM Kittens. Everyone likes kittens.
Chris H.

I suppose if Tart is derogatory, then JAMMETTE would be way over the top:  http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jammette 
- Christopher C.

As for the monthly centerfolds, it's got to be 'JAMM Tarts' surely!  
- Jon S.

JAMM Jugs
JAMM Jars
The JAMM Center-Tears

- Thomas J.
[If Center-Tears is a play on Centerfolds, that's pretty clever. If it's just a euphemism for a vagina, that's awful, and also pretty clever.]

In reference to the two cats in your artwork…
Which is of course a reference to The Jinx…
Without further ado…
Pussycats.  (Perhaps derogatory?)
Maybe this makes JAMM Tart a viable option.
-
Kerry D.

How about JAMM-Role Models.
This is terrible and barely a pun.
But in my defense they are models.
It conveys something of the inspirational role that JAMM plays.
I think you might call the same thing 'a jelly roll' - which makes it even worse.

- Dan R.
[Yeah, swing and a miss on that one.]

Right now "bunny" is still the leader in the clubhouse. It may be the most obvious, but that could be due to the fact that it's the perfect combination of magazine model and magician reference. Although I'm still taking suggestions.

If I had thought more about it, I would have only chosen women from the Iroquois Indian tribe. Then I could call them JAMM-Iroquois.

A Brief History of Magazines for the Amateur Magician

This is brief, not because I'm being lazy. It's brief in the same way an article with the title, "A History of Joshua Jay's Heterosexual Sex-Conquests," would be brief. By necessity. (Yes, Josh is married, and yes his wife is a knockout. But let's be honest, no one has said, "Actually, I think I'm just in a cuddling mood tonight. Cuddle-Monster time!" more than our boy, JJ.)

In researching magazines geared towards the amateur magician, the first thing I came across was this magazine with outstanding cover art, but a dubious title. 

No, I kid. Of course, magic is fun. I mean... not the way you do it. It's a big chore the way you do it. But it can be fun.

Magic Is Fun was published by D. Robbins & Company. It was an "Independent Magazine for the Amateur Magician" that came out in 1946 and 1947. There were 7 issues all together. You can get a complete digital file on Lybrary.com

What made Magic Is Fun different from other magic journals is that it was released to the general public on newsstands. 100,000 copies of the first issue were printed! Holy Christ! I mean, I don't know how many were sold, but that's a pretty insane number regardless.

And because it was sold to the public, magicians of the time, predictably, threw a shit-fit because their precious secrets were being discussed. This, ultimately, led to the publisher removing the magazine from the shelves and it died soon after. Here is the publisher talking about the demise of the magazine in the final issue:

Magical organizations wrote us letters protesting the sale of a Magic magazine on newsstands, claiming it would ruin the professional magicians, that we were unethical in selling it at newsstands. Some of the old, established magazines even refused to accept our ads of magical effects. We could have paid no attention to the protests, but on second thought, decided that perhaps it would be better to retain the good will of magical societies and publishers, so earlier this year 1947, we discontinued the newsstand sales of Magic is Fun. By printing only a small quantity of magazines, we found that subscriptions did not cover our costs. There was only one thing left to do . . . stop publishing.

In all honesty, that may have been an excuse as to why the mag folded. I haven't read the magazine itself, but looking at the contents of it, it looks to be a real snooze. 

The next reference I found to a magazine for amateur magicians was in this book Harry Harrison, Harry Harrison by, unsurprisingly, Harry Harrison.

In writing about a guy named Alfie Bester he wrote:

While I can find more info about Alfie Bester, I can't find any other reference to this magazine for amateur magicians. Perhaps he "wrote the whole thing himself" and then "read the whole thing himself" and never actually published it. I don't know. I'd be curious if anyone has any other information on it. 

Now, the truth is, of course, that all magic magazines are for amateur magicians to a certain extent. It's not like Copperfield is flipping through the Linking Ring to find stuff to add to his show that weekend. 

When I say my new digital magazine, the JAMM, is geared towards the amateur magician, I specifically mean the amateur who connects with the style of performance I champion on this site, in JV1, and in TAATKT. Yes, it goes without saying that eventually my ideas will just be the standard for amateur magic, and everyone will walk around feeling like goofballs for the time they spent harping about patter and routining effects together and all that junk. But until that bright future comes, I'll continue to proffer these ideas here and in the new Jerx Amateur Magic Monthly.

That's not to say it will be of value only to amateurs. While its primary focus is casual performances, even professionals perform casually. And there will be ideas and effects that can be used in many settings. The first issue has something that could easily be transposed to the stage. A future issue has a friend's table-hopping routine. But yes, the POV will be the that of the amateur magician. And that's a lifestyle for me. This is a lifestyle magazine. Like Oprah's.

The premiere issue comes out this Saturday and new issues will come the first Saturday of every month. This is a Saturday type of magazine. Not a Sunday thing. This is going to be fun. Not filled with whatever sedative Sundays naturally possess. 

The layout and design of the JAMM will start pretty simple, but will grow as I become more proficient with the design software. Not that many of you give a shit as long as the content is good. I'm content with a relatively simple style starting out. And if anyone complains I'll say they've got it good. For much of my youth, the most popular magazine in magic looked like this shit-show:

And every month they would just swap out one cruddy black and white promo picture for another. The designer apparently asking, "What's a Pantone color that's good for a suicide note?"

The interior looked like it was composed on this:

As I mentioned when the JAMM was first announced, its design is inspired by an old exploitation rag called Secrets.

They had "color" printing on the inside as well. But just one color. Red.

Here was the first test at mimicking that style (before we got the color right) with a shot from The GLOMM membership kit photoshoot.

The entire JAMM isn't in that style, because A) it would be annoying to read, B) it would be wildy time intensive, and C) the pdf file would be huge. It's just the cover and one of the feature articles that are like that. Why did I choose that style? I don't know. I like it. Plus I like the double entendre of a magic magazine aping the style of a magazine called Secrets. See? I'm pretty clever.

This site can only exist via people supporting it through subscribing to The JAMM.  So, if you like this site, and you're not destitute, I hope you'll consider subscribing so we can keep this going for a while. My goal is to get to 100,000 subscribers to match Magic is Fun's publication numbers. As of now, I'm falling short of that goal by nearly 100,000 (if we round). 

And yes, I realize I could shutter the website, just release an 8-page ebook with one effect once a month, type it up in Word with no thought into presentation, and charge more for it than I am for this. I'd probably make more money or, at the very least, save 95% of the time I put into this site. Don't look to me for business savvy. This site isn't about creating a business, it's about creating a symbiotic good thing with all of you.

Subscribe!

Here is the cover for the JAMM #1, hitting your email this Saturday. With Jessica, our lovely JAMM model for February on the cover. (Is there a good name for this? Like you have Playboy Bunnies. And Penthouse Pets. What would make a good JAMM model name? I thought of JAMM Mistresses (after Jam Master Jay) but that's a stretch. Perhaps JAMM Bunnies is good, to keep the magic connection. I don't know. If you have a good idea, send it to me. There will be a reward for you. (JAMM Tart, suggested by Jon Shaw, is frustratingly almost perfect. I'm trying to convince myself it wouldn't be seen as derogatory, but I don't know if I can manage it.)) She's doing everyone's favorite overused "Shush, I'm a magician who sucks at palming" pose. I considered having every JAMM cover model do that, to beat the joke into the ground. But it's just going to be this once. And don't get excited by the headline above the title, that's always going to be taken straight from an actual Secrets magazine cover.

Intent and Approach

[If you're at Magi-Fest this weekend and you would like to connect with other Jerx readers on the down-low, use this subtle code phrase to see if they're part of the Jerx "in crowd." Stare at their crotch, lick your lips, and say, "Oooh, daddy, it looks like you're packing a long-barreled cum gun in your trousers." If they say, "Fully-loaded," then you know they're a fellow reader. If they say anything else, they're probably not a fan. Also, please let me know what they say.]

This is another long, rambly post about presentation. Don't worry, there won't be a ton of these. But things kind of reset with the beginning of year 2 and a lot of new readers have come to the site, so I want to clarify some things for those who haven't read the huge archive of posts. 

In his review for The Jerx, Volume One, Jamy Ian Swiss wrote this, in regards to some of the more immersive effects outlined in the book. 

[T]o me the situation risks leaving the participant with an underlying sense, when the dust settles, of having been the victim of a practical joke. I am willing to accept at face value that the author manages to avoid this, largely by way of his degree of conviction and commitment, and probably a fair degree of personal charm. But I’m not much of a practical joker, and the kind of magic that is sometimes presented with that implied sensibility invariably rubs me the wrong way. At the end, the spectator recognizes that you were prepared for the event, you planned it, you carried it out, you made it happen. Some people will delight in that. Some might be profoundly turned off by the sensation of a sneak attack.

While his assessment of my "fair degree of personal charm" is spot on, I don't think his apprehension about people feeling like they were taken, or the victims of a "sneak attack" is a real concern, even for a charmless bastard like you. Or, at least, it shouldn't be.

I can understand why Jamy thought it could be an issue. One of the reasons I was not particularly hyped to have The Jerx, Volume One reviewed in Genii or other places is that I felt there was a good chance of it being misunderstood. Not because it's so "deep" or "revolutionary," but just because it's kind of a companion piece to this site. I didn't know how well it would work as a stand-alone thing. (As it turned out, I was fortunate to get really positive reviews from Kainoa Harbottle and Jamy Swiss, as well as from John Lovick in his review of AATKT. So now I'm happy they exist and are "in the record," so to speak.) And without the background of having followed this site, it's possible the intent and approach I take when performing wasn't 100% clear. (It may also be due to a failure of my writing because there were a couple issues in Jamy's review where he got what I was intending completely backwards.)

So, for new readers, and as a reminder to old readers, I want to talk about intent and approach. And also give you the rules I follow to keep my style of presentation a fun experience rather than a manipulative one.

First, my history, quickly.

For a long time I didn't perform much because it made me feel awkward. I didn't like performing because I was accustomed to seeing magic as an exhibition of my skill or power. In the best case scenario, people walked away thinking I possibly possessed these abilities. In the worst case they walked away thinking I wanted them to believe I had such skills or powers and just did a bad job faking it.

People would say, "Ah, to perform magic for someone is to give them a gift!" But if that's true, it's often like giving someone a gift that consists of a framed picture of you flexing your muscles. Like, yes, technically that's a gift. But it seems designed to reflect attention back on the giver.

I think a lot of amateurs have this feeling about magic, and so they become people who study magic, but never performed it. That's where I was until I realized I was like a person who read a bunch of cookbooks but never cooked anything. And that's kind of retarded.

What I wanted to do was shift the emphasis off me and on to the experience. (This entire blog could be seen to be the results of those efforts.)

We are accustomed to presenting magic with a certain pace to it. There is a traditional rhythm to performing that is nearly identical between the professional and the amateur. What I was trying to do was take all of the prevailing rhythms away.

And that leaves us with something new. And it's new for both the performer and the audience. If you're interested in the style I suggest here, you have to get used to it. And you have to ease others into it as well.

Here are the rules I follow to draw people into this style of presentation. And once they're in, you don't have to worry about them feeling tricked or manipulated. They're on board.

1. Start slowly - My first trick for someone is never some two-hour weird excursion that comes out of the blue. Instead it's something quick, done in one of the pared-down performance styles I've mentioned on this site. If they're receptive to this then I can push the boundaries on each subsequent performance. Eventually they are just game for whatever you do because there is a history there of them buying in and being rewarded with an interesting experience. Imagine I take you on five dates and we have a really great time. If I suggest we go on a weekend trip, you're not going to think, "This will probably suck," you're going to be pretty positive it will be worth the effort. (And come on, baby, it's been five dates. When are you going to put out?)

2. Perform for people who enjoy seeing this type of stuff - This may seem obvious, but you will read on the Cafe questions about how to perform for people who don't like magic, or grabby spectators, or people who are constantly trying to expose what you're doing. The simple answer is, you don't. Don't bother with them. Seek out the people who are into these types of experiences and proceed with them. That way the experience will feel like something they invited upon themselves, not something that was forced on them. 

3. Don't toy with their emotions

Here's a joke you can tell your friends:

You: Did you hear about that actress who stabbed her husband?

Them: No. 

You: Yeah. She stabbed him to death. It was... dammit, what's her name? Uhm... Reese... Reese...

Them: Witherspoon?

You: No. With her knife.

Do people get upset when you tell them this joke? Are they bothered to find out it wasn't a real news story and instead just a bad pun? Do they feel set up? No, because they didn't invest much into it. And they realize that you were setting them up for their benefit.

Traditionally magic has felt like a set-up for the magician's benefit. And that's a bad corner to paint yourself into. Magic can never feel like a "gift" when it's self-serving or manipulative. 

The key is I'm not toying with their emotions by trying to present something as real. I interest them with something obviously fantastic. I don't play around with something hyper-personal to them. If their kid died in a house-fire, I'm not like, "I call upon the ghost of little Toby to move this sponge ball from my hand to yours." I don't even like presentations where it's like, "Our cards matched because we have such a strong connection." I think that's pretty creepy. Instead I like presentations for my immersive effects that are based on alternate universes, time travel, ghosts, esp, aliens, haunted locations, secret societies, long lost twins, dreams, ancient curses and those sorts of things. Things that are interesting, but things that no one takes so personally that they would feel duped or suckered for being wrapped up in them for a moment. As I've stated before, my absolute favorite style of performance is to suggest that what's about to happen is due to something the spectator knows is nonsense. And then do something which gives them no other explanation to fall back on other than that same nonsense. (See The Sealed Room With the Little Door)

Look at something like, "Will You Let Me Into Your Dream." (I'm singling out that one because it's one of the only tricks on this site I haven't had the opportunity to perform myself, so I can look at it as an outsider.) It was a four-day effect when my friend performed it. At the end, everything comes together and it's clear it was all part of a trick. Would anyone feel manipulated or set-up if they were on the receiving end of this? I can't picture that. It's not at a trick at their expense. You would only bother performing it for someone who was into that sort of experience. Someone who would see it as a trick for their benefit.

A practical joke implies someone believing something is real and then finding out it's not. What I want is for them to not know what to believe and then have that ambiguity crystalize into a unique experience.

So the main reason the style I advocate for doesn't come off as a practical joke is that people are under no delusions about what they're seeing. They know it's a trick. The dichotomy of this style is that I suggest removing yourself as the magician behind the effect, but I don't suggest you remove the notion that it's a trickI never want the spectator to think, "I thought it was going to be something cool, but then it turned out to just be a trick." I want them to feel like, "I knew it was a trick, but it turned out to be something cool." 

As I've said before, I want the trick to feel real in the moment. You go to the movies and you know you're going to a movie, afterwards you know you've seen a movie, but in-between you get caught up in it. 

The point of not taking credit for what is occurring is not so people really think it's a voodoo ritual (or whatever) that caused the effect. It's for three different reasons.

First, it's to free the spectator from feeling obligated to acknowledge your talent/skill. I often find, outside of a formal magic performance, people are a little awkward about how to respond to magic. If someone plays the flute for you—or does any kind of artistic performance— you feel compelled to say, "Hey, nice job," when they're done. But magic, whether it's done well or poorly, is a different thing altogether. They're not quite sure whether to treat it like a trick, or if you want them to pretend you really read their mind, or what. What are they supposed to be complimenting you on?

Second, it puts the two of you on the same side. You're experiencing something together. You can guide their reactions by your reaction.

Third, it forces them to sit with the mystery a little while longer. I had the experience, literally just fours ago, of performing a trick in a fairly traditional way, and the woman I was showing the trick to said, "Ah, you just did something without me seeing it." Like, that was her explanation for how I did it. So she essentially wrote off the whole thing almost immediately. How did that magical thing just happen? Well, he did a trick. If instead I had come up with an alternative presentation that took the focus off of me, she couldn't have backed out of the moment so quickly. 

But she would still know it's a trick. 

Yes. I'm not quite sure how to explain this. Just because someone knows what is true in reality, they can still indulge in the feeling of a fantasy. If you buy your wife flowers she may be grateful or she may be suspicious, but either way it's a fairly straightforward transaction. You buy flowers, she thanks you for them. But what if you sent those flowers anonymously and signed it from a "secret admirer"? She may still know they came from you, but as long as you scratched your head and said, "Huh. Wasn't me. Who is this guy? I'm going to murder him!" Then she just gets to live with the feeling of being someone worthy of receiving mystery flowers. She can't immediately wipe out that debt by saying thank you, because you won't take credit for it. And maybe you spend the rest of your relationship sending her anonymous gifts and never taking credit. Maybe Valentine's day rolls around and you buy her a hand-held vacuum cleaner, but her "secret admirer" sends her a diamond tennis bracelet. "Goddammit!" you say. She plays along and holds her heart and bats her eyelashes thinking about her secret admirer. If you never actually cop to it, then the bubble of the fantasy is never really popped, regardless of what everyone knows the reality to be.

Is this all getting too fruity? It's a little ethereal, I know. I'm just telling you the things I've learned in the past 5-10 years about performing. And what I've learned is that it is always wise to emphasize the interactivity and the mystery because people are craving these things.

People have suggested that technology will kill magic. And I think that's probably true for magic on tv and online. But this is a actually a golden age for live magic. Especially close-up magic. And extra-especially amateur close-up magic. I don't want to sound like Old Man Jerx here, but we don't live in a time of sock-hops and taffy-pulls. We don't even live in a time of going to the arcade and interacting with people while you play video games. These days, if you can give someone a unique experience—one that requires their presence and engagement, that is happening in the moment and playing out live in front of them, that is perhaps grander and more personal than a typical magic trick—it truly is a kind of gift. 

Short and Sweet

I don't really use my twitter much. I already have this site as a place to speak my mind, and if I'm desperate for dull political opinions, I can get that in real life.

But I've decided to start using it more frequently. And, in the ultimate act of subversion, I will be using twitter to say nice things. 

Not in a sarcastic or insincere way.  Not even in clever way. And there is no ultimate payoff to this. I'm not setting you up for anything. So don't be like, "I can't wait to see where this goes!" It's not going anywhere.

So why are you doing it?

I don't know. Why did I pretend like I was doing native advertising for Old Gold cigarettes through the month of December? I follow my whims.


Are you interested in The Jerx, Volume One? If so, I would get on that soon. One way or the other they will be gone by the end of February. (I'll either have sold out or I'll take the few that remain to keep for myself.)

But what will my wife say, if I spend $300 on a magic book?

The bigger question is, what will she say 20 years from now when she finds out you could have bought the book that redefined magic—of which only a couple hundred were printed—in its first and only edition for a scant $300? She probably won't say anything. She'll just punch you straight in the jaw. And you'll deserve it.

Raw Materials

I have two tricks I'm working on that I could use some help with. 

For the first, I'm looking for someone near Osaka, Japan who has some free time this weekend. If that's you, get in touch.

For the second, I'm trying to track down this deck of cards.

Ideally a complete deck, if possible. 

If you're able to help with either of these requests, let me know. There will be compensation for both. And you'll see behind the scenes on some tricks I'm working on that will likely never be written up on this site because they are either too complex or the situation is uniquely personal to me.

Wait... the tricks you write up for this site are your non-personal, non-complex ones? 

Yeah, pretty much.


This video of a stickman drawn in dry erase marker and doused in water got a bit of traction the past couple of days. I thought it might be bogus, but I tried it with a shitty dry-erase marker I had on hand and had a similar (but shittier) result.  In 3 months when it's forgotten I think it would make a good element of a magic trick, although I'm not quite sure in what way just yet. 


I saw Split this weekend and thought it was pretty good. 

I feel like multiple personality disorder would make for a good premise for something because it's inherently fascinating and seemingly somewhat bogus in a way. But I don't have the acting chops to pull it off, so I'd never be able to come up with something I could actually do in order to write it up for here. 

You could do that ace trick where the four aces are lost in the deck and you find each one in a different way, and it could be a different personality that finds each ace. "Hi, I'm Lance, the shittiest personality, so I'm going to spell to your card."

Or perhaps a good long-term gambit would be to tell people you have an alternate personality who can read minds. That way you would never feel like you were compelled to perform, you could only do it when your alter was around. Or if you fuck up a trick in the middle of it you could be like, "Oh damn, Dr. Mesmerbrain has just left. It's just me, Pete. What's going on? You're thinking of a number. Oh, dear. I have no idea...uhm...is it 9? What? It's 400 billion? Damn. I was barely close at all. Come back, Dr. Mesmerbrain!"


I want to market condoms that, instead of being lubricated, are coated with Adams Mystic Smoke.

Then, when you're fucking someone, it will start smoking. And if you record it and play it back at triple speed, it will look like you're going so fast your junk is catching on fire.

You can go ahead and add this idea to my file of "100% perfect ideas."

Slay-Them Finalé

Coming in the JAMM #1

Last year I ran a series called Project Slay-Them that was devoted to trying to get people to perform more. In the premiere issue of the JAMM (which comes out the first week of February, btw), I will be running the last article in that series. This article covers the best technique I've found to induce people to ask you to perform. It's a technique stolen from the pick-up artist community where it undoubtedly didn't lead to gallons of poon-tang for anyone, but I've found it very useful in reversing the weirdness inherent in saying, "Hey, can I show you a magic trick?"

It involves wearing this vest and casually opening it every 3 minutes to scratch the side of your torso.

No, it's a little subtler than that. 

If you're interested in the JAMM you can subscribe here.