A Quick-Start Guide to Entertaining Kids

I’d rather have a job squeegeeing a slaughterhouse than have to work as a professional children’s entertainer. I like smart, chill people. Kids are the least smart, least chill version of people that we have. I get annoyed by an adult who looks at their cellphone when I’m talking to them or showing them something. Kids are far more easily distracted. And not necessarily by something as innocuous as a cellphone. They get distracted with seeing how loud they can scream, or the smell of their finger after sticking it knuckle deep in their buttcrack.

One or two kids at a time, I’m great with. But when it comes to groups, I can really only handle adults.

But I do know what kids like. And the thread that follows is a great quick-start guide to making kids laugh. Sure, you can read a full book by Silly Billy or Danny Orleans and really get into the weeds on entertaining children. Or you can just get a Forgetful Freddie and that trick where the peanut butter and jelly switch places and absorb the following concept and you’ll be 90% of the way there. The key is simply to act dumber than them. (This works for adults too.)