Mailbag #79
/I have a date with this girl I met on Hinge on Tuesday and I feel like I'm set up perfectly to do some sort of trick for her. We've had multiple instances in the past couple days now where she would type something as I'm typing it, almost word for word. She said it was "pretty magical" so I feel like this is a great opportunity to go into some sort of trick along those lines.
I will point out that I did tell her I'm into magic, her bio says she's an atheist, and she mentioned that she doesn't believe in the Law of Attraction/Manifesting. I was worried it might come across as manipulative to imply there's some kind of supernatural connection between us if she actually believes in that sort of thing but it seems like I'd be in the clear on that. However, I also feel like it would still come across weird to do something like that on the first date anyway. So maybe, if this goes anywhere, I'll wait until it happens again in person and then use that as an opportunity to go into a trick. I'm not sure. What do you think?—AO
Yeah, your instincts are right here. That’s a sketchy situation. You don’t want to toy with the idea of your “connection” too early.
There are only two ways that can play out:
She really believes that this magical thing that just occurred was caused by some unusual “connection” between you two. In which case, that’s really emotionally manipulative.
She doesn’t really believe that this magical thing that just occurred was caused by some unusual “connection” between you two. But she thinks that’s what you want her to think. In which case you come off as a completely corny douchebag.
Now, once you’re actually in a serious relationship with someone, you can play around with the idea that maybe something happened because of your connection.
Do you see the difference?
Once you actually have a connection, then it can be fun or flirty or sweet to suggest that what happened might be because of that connection.
But what you don’t want it to look like is that you’re trying to establish a connection by using a trick. Then you’re just socially awkward at best and a conman or incel at worst.
In your blog post of November 7, 2022, you mentioned that people often believe that the explanation for the Ambitious Card effect(s) is a trick deck/trick cards, and that they entertain similar suspicions regarding other props (e.g. sponge balls or coins), ascribing what they’ve seen to the prop(s) being a trick whatever.
My question is, do have your participants examine the cards (when they are not gaffed of course) and/or other props you use? Also, it seems to me that if a prop is examinable, it would be more desirable to have it examined prior to the magical effect, rather than after. What are your thoughts on this? —AD
I’ll answer your last question first.
It’s more important to have an item examined after an effect than before it. The issue is, before an effect, people don’t know what they’re supposed to be looking for. It happens all the time that you can let someone examine an object, do something magical with it, and then they want to look at it again.
If you only let them examine it beforehand, they’ll think along these lines, “Oh, I didn’t know what to look for. I must have missed something originally. If I could get a look at that quarter [or whatever the object is] now, then I’d definitely see what’s going on with it.” The trick ends and you put the object away. “Oh… he’s not going to let me look at it? I knew it, there’s something weird about it.”
If you only let them examine it afterward, they’ll think along these lines, “Oh, there must be something unusual about that quarter. If I could get a look at that, then I’d know how it was done. Wait… he’s going to let me see it? Well, now I have no idea.”
So I always allow someone to look at something at the end. And often at the beginning as well. However, sometimes I want to increase the suspicion around an item. In that case I won’t have it looked at before the trick.
In general, when it comes to social magic, I avoid using the term “examine.” It’s too formal and clinical. I may say, “Check this out,” or, “Look at this.” But even that is unnecessary most of the time. If I hand you a quarter and say, “Here, I want to try something with this.” You’re going to naturally take a quick look at it. And at the end, if I hand it back to you, you’re going to feel compelled to examine it without me saying anything. But throwing around the word “examine,” is going to make this feel more like a challenge—which is not the vibe I think you generally want to go for in a social interaction.