Dealing With Bad Intentions

After Tuesday’s post I received a few emails asking what I would do if the person who was googling and looking for secrets was trying to be an asshole about it. (As opposed to the question in that post, which suggested the spectator wasn’t ill-intentioned.)

Well, first, on a general note, you may need to look inward first. It’s not uncommon for someone to want to figure out how a trick is done and for them to take to google to try and find an answer. However, it is uncommon for someone to come back to you and try and take you down a peg. If that’s happening with any regularity, then you are likely performing in a way that makes it seem like you’re showing off or trying to impress people.

If people get the sense your ego isn’t wrapped up in this, they don’t tend to come back and try and bust you.

So keep that in mind if this is something you’re dealing with regularly.

But, every now and then, you do just run into someone who’s kind of an asshole.

If that happens, you might try something like this…

Them: I looked up that trick you did the other day. The one with the aces. I totally know how you did that.

You: The trick with the aces?

Yeah, I googled it and figured it out.

Are you kidding?

[Your attitude at this point: Mildly Confused.]

No. I know that the aces were on the bottom. So when I dealt onto those piles, they ended up on top.

[As they describe “how you did it,” your attitude shifts to mild amusement.]

Well… yeah, that’s it. You figured it out. [Pause] Sorry… you looked that up?

Yeah, I found it online. There was no “psychological manipulation” involved. That’s bullshit. It was just the way the cards were set up..

I love that. By the way, you could have just asked me. I would have told you how it was done. I mean… I thought you already knew how it was done. That’s a trick from… hmm… I can’t even remember. I think I got it off the back of a cereal box when I was a kid. I’m really surprised you were fooled by that. I was just trying to kill some time when I showed that to you. I wanted to run through it because I told my niece I’d teach her a trick she could show to her Girl Scout troop. Remember I mentioned that? [You didn’t actually say that.] Hey, but that’s really kind of cool. I never thought something made to fool kids would fool an adult too. You just made my week. That’s delightful. Thank you.

[Your attitude at this point: You’re satisfied. You’re in a good mood.]

If someone’s intention is to be an asshole, then acting genuinely pleased with what they have to say, while simultaneously suggesting they’re an idiot in the process, is a solid way to parry their remarks.

But going forward, try to have better A-hole detection. You can develop it. And once you do you can pretty much avoid them altogether. I haven’t performed for an asshole in years.