To give the show some structure, you could do something like this… You say you gained the ability to read minds a few years ago during an improv show in which you were performing. “I don’t know how it happened. I don’t know what caused it. But I do remember three weird things happened in that show. First, I did what I thought was a gibberish chant during one of the scenes. Maybe it was gibberish… or maybe I accidentally stumbled over some kind of… I don’t know… incantation? And that somehow gave me the ability to read minds? I’ve watched a video from that show and memorized my babbling so I can try it again tonight.
“The second weird thing that happened was when I went to shake an audience member’s hand at the start of the show, I didn’t notice he was eating an open-faced PB&J sandwich and I got peanut butter and jelly all over my hand. Could that have somehow caused this ability? I know that seems like I’m grasping at straws. But it seems much less crazy when you realize I’ve only had my hand covered in peanut butter and jelly once in my life… then 10 minutes later I could read minds.
“And the final thing that happened was I got electrocuted by some faulty wiring in the microphone cord. I hope that’s not what caused my ability, because that’s one thing I’m not willing to try again.”
So first you try the gibberish incantation to see if you can reverse the curse. But when you attempt to read someone’s mind afterwards, you’re able to do it with no problem.
Moving on, you coat your hand with peanut butter and jelly. “I feel like a fucking idiot,” you say. With your hand dripping in stickiness you do another mind reading experiment and it goes perfectly well. “Shit.”
You grab a wet towel and clean off your hand. You call out for someone to bring you some paper-towels to dry your hands.
“Well, no such luck, I’m afraid. It looks like I’m stuck with this ability.”
You absent-mindedly grab the mic from the mic stand with your wet hand. Sparks fly. [Google: “funken ring.”]
You scream. You writhe in pain. You finally settle down.
“Wait… why is it so quiet in here?” My god… you’re not hearing people’s thoughts.
You start pointing to people in the audience. “Think of a color… is it brown? No? It was blue?! Yes!”
You guess a city wrong. And then a celebrity.
“Oh, this is such a relief,” you say. “To finally not hear in my head what people are thinking.
“It was hard enough dealing with that one ability I already had. The one I got after that weird incident in my fourth grade Christmas pageant. That one was slightly different. It wasn’t mind reading: hearing people’s thoughts in real time. It was prediction: knowing what would happen long before it ever did.”
You pull a cloth off a chalkboard on stage:
Tonight the audience members will think of:
Blue
Moscow
and Samuel L. Jackson