Kind of, but not really/Not really, but kind of

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Is this just a magic trick?

Are you psychic?

Are you a medium?

Do you have ESP?

Do you have special powers?

Is this hypnosis?

Is this NLP?

Do you have a photographic memory?

Is this a science thing?

Is this the devil?

In yesterday's mailbag I mentioned I would share how I answer any question where someone is trying to categorize me or what I'm doing.

My approach is to just never commit to anything they ask. There's nothing to be gained by locking yourself into a label and their interpretation of what that label means.

Instead, I use the technique in the title of this post:

A soft-agreement—"Kind of"

followed by a gentle distancing—"But not really."

Or vice versa. The statement is modular. And I can lead with the agreement or the distancing depending on how much I want them to associate me with the label they're offering.

"Is this a magic trick?" I'm fine with that label, but I don't want their pre-existing feelings about magic defining what they're about to see. So I start with the agreement and end with the denial. "Kind of. But not really."

"Are you a medium?" I don't want them thinking I'm claiming that—but I don't want to completely dismiss it if it's a subject they're genuinely drawn to. "Not really. But kind of."

I don't use those exact words every time. That's just the skeleton. And if nothing more inspired comes to mind, I can always fall back on it.

Essentially this is equivoque. It's a statement that seems to have some meaning, but really you're letting the spectator impute the meaning themselves. If they like you, they will interpret the statement in the way that they prefer.

"What is this, like a magic trick or something?"

"Kind of, but not really."

If they like magic: Oh, it's like magic? Great. I like magic.

If they don't like magic: Good. It's not really magic. Maybe it's something more interesting.

"Are you psychic?"

"No, not really. But kind of."

If they're intrigued by psychics: Oh, interesting. This is kind of like a psychic thing.

If a psychic stole their life savings: Oh good. He's not a psychic. It's just some similar thing.

Here are some alternate "kind of, but not really" statements.

  • You're in the right neighborhood, but not exactly.

  • It overlaps with that a little, but it's not the same thing.

  • In a way, but not like you're imagining.

  • It has that feeling, but it's something different.

  • That's one way to look at it, but I wouldn't use that term.

  • Sort of. But it's a weird version of that.

  • You could say that, but only in the loosest sense.

By staying in the "kind of, but not really" zone, you sidestep all the baggage that comes attached to whatever label they've offered. More than that, you generate something better than any straight answer could: the sense that what you do is somewhat beyond categorization. If you’re trying to create wonder, intrigue, and mystery with what you do, that’s a good place to start.