How To Get the Best of Everything (But Mainly Pizza)

Hey fatties, here's a little tip for you on how to get the best slice of pizza when you visit a local pizza joint.

There's one near me that I hit a couple of times a week for lunch. In the summer, the counter is usually run by high schoolers or college kids home on break. If you're good-natured and a decent tipper, they'll usually hook you up. I see them spin the pie around looking for the biggest slice for me.

And I encourage this behavior by letting them know I noticed.

"Damn. That's a good-looking slice."

"Ooh. That's a fat boy. Thanks for hooking me up."

And what happens from there? A positive feedback loop. They come through for me and I acknowledge it. They get a little dopamine hit for being appreciated. They're nicer to me the next time I visit and around it goes.

They have a character to play now. They've gone out of their way to come off as fun and generous and I've recognized that, so they want to continue to live up to that.

But eventually I realized something.

You don't actually have to wait for them to hook you up first.

I've started doing this with people I've never met, in places I've never been, before they've shown me the slightest bit of generosity.

Back to the pizza shop, there's one middle-aged woman who works the counter and has never seemed to be charmed by me in any way. When I ask for a slice, she just gives me the next one in line. Sometimes it's fine. Sometimes it's rinky-dink.

You'd assume most slices would be the same, but they've got at least one spazz working there who doesn't seem to cut the pies like he's aiming for symmetry, but more like he's trying to teach the parts of a circle.

Sometimes you benefit from this. Other times it's, “Here's your secant,” and you're handed some weird sliver of pizza.

Well, one day I walked into the place, saw this woman behind the counter, and saw the next slice was likely to be a piece that was half the size it should be.

In that moment I decided to pretend this woman has always hooked me up.

"Ah, I'm so glad you're behind the counter today," I say smiling. "You always get me the best slice."

Now, I don't know what she was thinking at this point. If I had to guess, she probably thought I had gotten some good slices randomly in the past and that I had assumed she was taking care of me. When really it was just random.

But whatever she thought, she smiled back, rotated the pizza around, and grabbed me the biggest slice.

And she's done that every time since.

I gave her a role and she stepped right into it. It made her happy and it made me happy.

And everyone does it. I use this all the time.

At the ice cream shop: "I'll take a peanut-butter cup flurry. I'm glad I got you. You never skimp on the candy pieces."

At a hotel: "Oh, I lucked out with you behind the counter. I checked in a few months ago and you scored me the best room." (But what if she wasn’t there a few months ago. What if she just started working there? No worries. What’s the worst she’ll think? I mistook him for someone else? Now she’s in competition with this other imaginary person to take care of me.)

Even with magic: "You want to see a trick? Sure, I'd love to show you something. Your reactions are always so good.”

You may say this is manipulative. But it's not. I mean, yes, technically speaking maybe. But getting extra mix-ins at the ice cream parlor isn't the same as strong-arming a widow into giving you her retirement fund.

People like to be noticed and acknowledged. All I'm doing is noticing and acknowledging a good quality in them before they've actually demonstrated it.

And people have a tendency to live up to the version of themselves you've already decided they are.