MCJ Advent Calendar - Day One - Genesis

Below is the very first post ever on The Magic Circle Jerk. It seems quaint now, but at the time it was this post that got me a permanent ban from the Cafe. Keep in mind that in 2003 there weren't a bunch of other people doing this sort of thing -- so it was particularly concerning to Brooks and his staff that my site existed. Am I saying I invented the genre of crude, funny, intelligent, honest, magic commentary in the online arena? I won't say that. I will leave that entirely accurate statement for others to say. 

Background: Because these posts are now pretty damn old, and because you don't have the rest of my former site to reference, I'll try to mention any background you need to understand the posts. In this entry I mention Steve's rubber coin. I'm referring to a trick he made and pimped on his site called "Silver Shifter." This was a rubber coin that you were supposed to use in a coin bend. A possibly good idea, maybe? I don't know. Honestly it sounds like the solution a 6-year old would come up with for a coin bend. But we'll never know because apparently the gimmick wasn't any good -- it didn't look real and the paint would chip off it. And the advertising that went along with it was incredibly shady, like far beyond typical magic ad shadiness. We may get into that in a future post. Regardless what we ended up with was a bunch of posts on the Cafe by Steve and his friends about how this would be the next must-have coin gimmick, they sent out a bunch of cruddy rubber coins that everyone was unhappy with, they made their money and disappointed a lot of people, then 5 years later even Steve had to admit it was a giant turd. Strange how he wasn't so forthcoming about the quality of the product when he was actually taking your money for it. 

So here's where it all began...

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

Why This Exists

So here's the drill:

Over on the Magic Cafe some kid had posed the question "What is the best magic trick to perform for a girl you love." He went on to explain that there was a girl he liked and he wanted to perform a magic trick that would make her fall in love with him.

First off, the question is idiotic. Many magicians have this sense that what they're doing is inherently sexy. It isn't. No more so than...say, whittling. Now I'm not saying magic can't be sexy, just as I'm not saying that whittling can't be sexy. I'm sure they both can be. The problem is, so many young people are drawn to magic because it helps them deal with people, it's like a substitute personality. If you're not naturally charming or witty, you can instead be the guy with the deck of cards that has a stickman on the back who finds your card. That trick is kind of charming... so now you're kind of charming. But no, that's not how it works. Guys think, "Well hey, I may not have a hot bod. But I do have a hot rod! Looky my plastic stick with the fake jewels that change colors!" And girls see through this shit. At least any girl that I would want to date would.

But instead of lecturing this kid as I am lecturing you, I just gave a simple two-word response to the trick that he should do to impress this girl:

Sponge Ding-Dong

Now, that's obviously a joke, and no, it's not super-funny or anything, but it's mildly amusing. Baffling Bra would have been a good suggestion too. The thing is, the Magic Cafe deleted that post and sent me a message that it was too risque.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I can't imagine what kind of puritanical message-board would be so ridiculous as to delete that post, yet their sense of ethics doesn't extend to not shilling shitty rubber coins. 

Anyway, I started this blog so I could piss on places like the Magic Cafe and the douchebags who run the site and post on it ("What's your favorite Elmsley Count trick?"). And I wanted to give that kid a few other ideas for tricks to do to impress a girl.

  • The Magic Growing Rod of India in My Jeans (people love magic that happens in the spectator's hands)
  • Penis thru Anything
  • The Bottom Palm (right? right? wink)
  • The Magic Appearing Baby From A Girl's Vagina (there's a long set-up for this)