My loves, I want you to know that even when I'm not posting here regularly, I'm still with you in spirit. I'm like Jesus because when there's one set of footprints in the sand that's when I carried you. Or I just completely checked out of your bullshit and hit the waves.
I'm also like Jesus because FUCK YOU, FIG TREE!
Even though there was a ten-year gap between my magic blogs, I want you to know that I never gave up on working on the problems I identified back then such as the one that follows. To understand that issue, let's flash back to the original post on my Magic Circle Jerk blog...
Thursday, September 23, 2004
I read an effect once and the effect required you to do a bit of fishing in order to figure out which card a spectator was thinking of. At one point in the effect you had to ask, "Was it a cherry-colored card?" And I've seen people use this line at least a couple of times in my life. In the effect I was reading it said that women will most often think of red cards so this is a pretty safe line if used on a woman, and if she didn't think of a red card there is an "out." The "out" is that you say, "Well, there are black cherries."
Now, it's one thing if you consider that a joke (I don't, because I think jokes should be funny), but is it in any way an out? An "out" implies something subtle that makes something (a prediction or a statement) that is incorrect seem correct. But there's no way that cherry-colored shit could be considered an out in my mind. Why not just say this: Someone chooses a card and you say, "Was it a red card?" If they say "no," your out is "Well, then it was a black card." That's just as clever an out as the "black cherries" thing.
I let this issue marinate in the back of my mind for over ten years, but now I've completely solved the problem. I've created a way to discern what color card the spectator is thinking of with a statement that will always seem like a "hit" to the spectator.
Here's how it works.
Step One: You need to stop using cards where the suits are red and black. You need to use cards where the suits are brown and pink.
I will be selling these cards for $11.50 a deck. I assume they will become the standard cards used by all magicians after they read this post.
Step Two: If you are an American, travel to England. If you're British, travel to America. You may just want to go ahead and move to the other country in order to use this gambit as frequently as possible. If you're already an ex-pat, then you're all set. If you don't live in either of those countries, establish residence in one of them, then, after a few years, move to the other.
Step Three: When you need to narrow down which color card your spectator picked, just put your hand to your temple and say:
"My psychic powers tell me that you picked a fanny colored card."
They will either say, "Yes! How ever did you know that!" or they will say, "No." If they say no you just say, "But I'm sure of it! Ah, I know, the problem. Where I'm from, 'Fanny' means..." etc, etc.
For those of you who aren't from either one of those countries, or just don't follow, here is the quirk of American/British English that we are taking advantage of...
Problem solved. Next!