The Greatest Trick You Should Never Do

Never do this trick.

This is for entertainment purposes only. If you try and do this and something goes wrong, you're on your own. This is a piece of fiction written up as if it's instructions for a magic trick. Yes, it's probably one of the top 5 magic ideas ever created and yes, it's actually do-able. But don't do it!


A dollar bill is borrowed. A corner is torn off. The bill is vanished.

It reappears in your spectator's vagina without you ever touching her or even getting near her.


Your friend Meg is coming over for the evening. After getting dinner together and watching a movie she asks if there's anything new you're working on magic-wise.

You: Oh, don't even mention it. It's just going to put me in a bad mood.

Meg: Why?

You: There's this convention coming up next week where a bunch of magicians get together. And there's this one woman named Esmerelda who will be there. I'm not even sure if that's her real name. We've had this kind of back-and-forth thing going for a few years.... You know how some people will get in a prank war? Where each person tries to one-up the other with a more devious prank? Well magicians have a similar thing with this trick called "Bill to Impossible Location." The idea is you vanish a bill and make it appear somewhere that seems impossible. And they'll go back and forth over the course of years sometimes, each trying to top the other person, trying to get the bill to reappear in a more impossible location until one of them finally gives up.

Meg: This is the strangest hobby...

You: So maybe you'll have the bill reappear taped to the ceiling. Or in someone's salad at dinner. Or in the cash register at the next store you walk into. These are all the sorts of things we would do. But last time we got together she really blew my mind. She borrowed a bill from me. Made it vanish. And it reappeared back in my wallet. 

Meg: That was the most impossible location?

You: Well, for me it felt that way. Your wallet is so personal, you know? And it's something I had on my body. So it seems unfathomable that she could breach that personal space. And now I'm racking my brain trying to come up with some place that would be even more impossible.

Meg: Hmm...

You: What do you think? I mean....

Meg: What if you had it appear in an egg? That would be impossible.

You: Hmmm... yeah, I guess... I'm trying to think of someplace more personal. Because she kind of raised the stakes when she had it go to my wallet. Can you think of a place on her that would feel like a real violation of her personal space like that? I don't know... maybe in her sock or something?

Meg: Oh, I know.

You: What?

Meg: [laughing]

You: What?!

Meg: Her vagina!

You: haha. Yeah, perfect! "Uhm, excuse me madam, could you please remove your panties? Now, I haven't touched your pussy, have I? I've never met your pussy before? I didn't speak with your pussy before the show? Your pussy isn't a stooge, correct?" Can you imagine? 


You: But you know.... I wonder if.... It could be possible. Do you have a dollar on you? Can I try something?

Meg: No way. What are you thinking?

You: Can I try it with you?

Meg THAT?!? Uhm, I'm not sure this is the best time. You know... time of the month, I mean.

You: What am I? 14? You think I'm scared of your period? It doesn't matter. I don't even need to touch you.

Meg: Aggghhhh... Okay... how can I refuse this. 

You borrow a dollar from her and ask her if she has a pen or marker. When she says no, you say it's not necessary and you rip a corner off the dollar for her to keep. You place the dollar between your hands and close your eyes for about 10 seconds. When you open your eyes you look and the dollar it is still there. You say cryptically, "Hmm... it must be too big to pass," and you fold it up into a smaller package, hold it in your hand, and when you open your hand it's gone.

Meg: No way.

You motion for her to remain still and your eyes look up and dart around like you're trying to sense something in the distance. "I think it might have worked," you say. A look of disappointment crosses your face. "Actually, it might have just gone to your back pocket. Can you check?" She checks and there's nothing there. "Damn, this might actually have worked. Go see. You might have to dig around in there a bit." 

She leaves for the bathroom. A moment later you hear a scream. She comes back in the room holding her tampon string in one hand with a bloody dollar bill dangling from the end. 

You grab the bill and unfold it. "Does the corner match?" you ask. Of course it does.


You're going to gimmick a tampon so your wife/girlfriend/hook-up/close friend ends up loading the bill inside herself without knowing it. 

Being magicians, I know a lot of you are completely unfamiliar with a woman's anatomy. For you a pussy really is an impossible location. You couldn't find the clit with a geocaching app. So you sure as hell aren't familiar with how a tampon works. Here's a quick lesson. The tampon is just a piece of tightly pressed cotton with a string attached. It often comes in a cardboard applicator which is a small tube inside a slightly larger tube. The tampon is inside this and when the small tube gets pressed into the larger tube, the tampon goes inside the woman. 

When the tampon is in the applicator the only part of it that can be seen is the very tip, like the tobacco in a cigarette. What you're going to do is pop the tampon out of the applicator, remove 80% of the cotton, and replace it with a dollar bill set up with the torn corner. Then you're going to reinsert the tampon into the applicator and put it back in its original wrapper and seal it up. The details vary from brand to brand and you're just going to want to pick whatever brand your spectator uses (and "spectator" was never a more inadequate word to use than in this trick.). The ones I have spread all over my coffee table at the moment are Tampax. These are easy to work with and come in a paper wrapper that is easy to secretly open and reseal.

I'm not going to get into more specifics because you're not really going to do this.

Now you just have to get this tampon in play somehow. I think the easiest way to do that would be to invite your friend over, swap this with the tampon in her purse without her knowing, and then just spend enough time together until she needs to make a change down there. Or if you live with the person you could mark the wrapper in some way and put it in her box of tampons and just pay attention until it gets used. Or you could set up a whole box with Joshua Jay's torn corner technique. And then no matter which one she chooses, you'd be ready to go and you don't need to track which is the right corner to have on you. (You can find Joshua Jay's torn corner method in a number of places including at least one of his online lectures and DVDs. You don't have to buy it individually. It's really good. And I'm sure he's super happy I'm mentioning it in association with this atrocity of an effect.)

Of course this all is predicated on a certain level of intimacy because you would need to know when this person is on her period. But if you're not close enough to figure that information out, you shouldn't be contemplating an effect where something goes into someone's vagina. This is not a tablehopping effect.

You might wonder if the bill can be felt. I think the answer is "probably not." I had a willing friend test this for me. I gave her one of the gimmicked ones and she thought she could feel it at first. But then we did a double-blind, russian roulette style test where 1 of 3 tampons that I gave her were gimmicked. She tried each one in turn and she decided that she couldn't really tell which was which. Of course, some women may be more sensitive down there than others. If she notices it before the trick -- if she comes out the bathroom saying "There was a dollar in my tampon." --you just play dumb. Say something like, "That's a strange way to give a rebate."

The rest is just a traditional torn-corner bill effect. ("Traditional" other than the whole vagina part.) Your spectator will do the loading of the bill herself. See below:

And now you're set for a bloody miracle!