For Those of You at MAGIC Live

Or anyone at any magic convention at anytime in the future. 

The next time you're in line for something at the convention, or waiting in a hotel lobby, or stuck in an elevator -- or anytime when you're surrounded by people you don't really know, I want you to start singing quietly to yourself, "Do You Know the Way To San Jose." Just those first couple of lines. You don't need to memorize the song. In fact you can just hum it.


Well, mainly because I just think it would be funny if multiple people were singing this song over the course of the convention. And maybe some guy would end up hearing 3 or 4 different people singing it and wonder what the hell was going on -- why this 45-year old song was experiencing such a revival at this magic convention. 

Also, if you hear anyone humming this song, you know they're part of our secret society. Anyone who sings this song will also answer "Jack of Diamonds" if you ask them to "think of any card in the deck." So just remember that. Jack of Diamonds is the official force card of the Jerx. Here is a handy mnemonic.

So let's say you're hanging around with a friend who doesn't read this site, because he's like a moron or something, and he doesn't recognize genius. But whatever. Okay, so he doesn't read this site. And you're waiting around for something. Then you hear someone humming Do You Know the Way To San Jose. You turn to your friend and say, "Hey, have I shown you my new psychological force?" You pull a card out of your deck and tap the hummer on the shoulder. You ask if you can try something with him, and he agrees. 

"Great. I want you to listen to my words carefully. You're going to think of any card in the deck. And you're not going to know what it's FOR (four). But despite not knowing what it's FOR, you're going to know what the right card is in your HEART."

Your friend will think this is the shittiest psychological force for the Four of Hearts.

"Go ahead," you say, "name any card."

"Jack of Diamonds," this "stranger" says.

You turn over the Jack of Diamonds in your hand and turn to your friend and say, "It's 100%. It never fails."

Remember, if you're the hummer in this situation you need to act surprised too. I recommend the "What? What?! No" method of fake surprise, along with the "confused baboon" expression. As popularized by Craig Petty in this clip.

Why did I choose Do You Know the Way to San Jose? Well, I hate the song, for one. I'm not a Dionne Warwick fan. "That's What Friends are For" was playing in a store the other day, and as soon as that harmonica started playing at the beginning I felt nauseous. I was like, "Uhm, was I molested to this song or something?" Like that's how visceral my negative reaction to it was. But I thought I would take back my power over Dionne Warwick and recast Do You Know the Way To San Jose as our own secret code. It works well because It's recognizable by many generations, it's very hummable or whistle-able (unlike my first choice, Butterfly by Crazy Town), and it was popular enough worldwide to be known in our satellite locations Jerx: Europe and Jerx: Australia. 

This isn't just for MAGIC Live, it's for any magic convention you attend in the near future. It's our audible secret-handshake. But we don't talk about it. If anyone ever says, "Why are you singing that song? you play dumb. They're not one of us. It's an unspoken code, so if they're asking about it, they're not in on it. Plus it will help drive them crazy if they hear it in multiple places and people deny singing it. I recommend this type of response.

Them: Why are you humming that?

You: Humming what?

Them: That song?

You: What song?

Them: Do You Know the Way To San Jose?

You: Hmmm... from here? Well that's at least a few hundred miles west.

Them: No, that's the name of the song you were humming and I was wondering why.

You: Oh, no. I don't hum. Father never allowed. If we hummed we would get "The Oar." 

Them: The oar?... You were spanked with an oar or something?

You: No, no. Not spanked. He didn't use the flat end on our little bottoms. He used... the other end.

Them: ...Wait... are you saying-

You: Gotta go!