Actually, Never Mind

Regarding the last few posts, if you're the type of person who can't read intent and tone in writing, you are never going to be able to come off as the type of person who can read the intricacies of someone's thoughts. For your sake, you should absolutely stick to telling a person which hand they hold a coin in. That's definitely your speed. In fact, that might be a bit too recklessly electrifying an effect for you. How about something like this: You ask them to hide a coin in one of their hands, then you say, "My psychic power tells me you're holding a coin in one of your hands." Your spectator will be impressed that you knew they didn't drop the coin or put it in their mouth or something. Then retire to the drawing room for cucumber sandwiches so everyone can compose themselves after all the excitement.

In other news, hey all you virgins out there, I hope you aren't too attached to your hymens because they's about to get busted like a can of biscuits. Look what I just got as a belated Christmas gift...

Friend of the site, Stacy Smith, who helped me track down the plastic wine-bottle, tipped me off to this set as well. (She asked me to make it clear that she's a lady. A lady whose taste in magic kits can be just as questionable as any man's. You go girl!) We'll get to both sets eventually, but the wine bottle is more about seduction so that will come later. (Once I've used this set to chat them up, I'll use that one to seal the deal.) Look for those posts later this winter.

I'm bringing it up now because I know a lot of you have daughters and if they're post-pubescent you're going to want to keep a close eye on them in the coming months because I'm going to be out slaying poon-tang with these magic kits and you never know where I'll be unless you follow the trail of soaked panties I leave in my wake like some fucked-up Hansel and Gretel.

Okay... now do I need to point out I'm kidding in that last section? Is that what this site has become? I think it would be wildly insulting to your intelligence if I were to do so. But what do I know. People thought I was genuinely suggesting you use this patter for the coin-in hand effect:

"Is the coin in your right hand? Okay. Have you cheated on your wife?"

Apparently, neither context clues nor common sense could sway them that his was anything other than a legit suggestion.

For all I know someone is out there now writing furiously, "This guy is going to use magic kits to seduce virgins! It's not funny. It's going to destroy lives! And all for what? So this guy can play peek-a-boo with his vein cane in the honey-pot? WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!"

I am joking. I'm not serious. The whole concept behind these magic kits is ridiculous but I'm acting like I completely buy into them. Understand? And the humor comes from me committing 100% to the idea that these kits will get you laid. It's exaggeration for humorous effect, a fundamental element of comedy. As fundamental as the juxtaposition of two extremely dissimilar things. Like the statement, "Is the coin in your right hand," and the statement, "Have you cheated on your wife." Two things that are so incongruous that you actually could say them in a real performance because it would be seen as broadly comic to conflate the two sentences. 

What is that noise? Oh, it's the EKG machine announcing the death of my soul from having to explain jokes. No more. Either keep up or take a hike. Go watch a youtube video of someone doing that trick where they confuse a banana with a bandana. That's probably more your scene.