My history of writing this site and my previous one has always been one of push and pull with the readers. I was never interested in getting as many people as possible to read my old blog. Even with this site, where the site's existence is predicated on reader support, I have zero interest in a large number of casual readers. I'm only interested in speaking to the small percentage who feel a connection with this site, being sustained by their support, and fuck everyone else.
For that reason, occasionally I need to make a course correction when the site starts getting too many casual visitors (some might say this whole month is part of such a course correction). On MCJ I would often just take off for a few months at a time. Or I would make a post on a subject like...oh...say, the one below.
Thursday, February 12, 2004
Magic Brings Out The Kid In You!
There are many professions whose practitioners have found magic to be beneficial in some way to enhance their work.
I've heard of pediatricians who use magic to calm their patients and take their mind off of pending procedures.
Sometimes teachers will use magic in the classroom in order to demonstrate, say, a mathematical theorem or a historical event. Quantum physics (color-changing deck), the branches of government (Professor's Nightmare), and logic (Silver Shifter), can all be easily illustrated through simple magic tricks. "Where did that dollar bill go? I don't know, but I'd guess it was taken by Adam Smith's Invisible Hand of Self-Interest. Turn to page 87 in your textbook...."
And, of course, many priests have taken up performing magic and it has created it's own branch of conjuring known as Gospel Magic. These priests recognize that the altar boys are less likely to go home and say, "Father Don has been gargling my nutsack," if they believe Father Don to be a warlock allied with the powers of Christ. That's an intimidating combination.
Yet there are many vocations that could utilize magic but don't. As I said there are pediatricians who use magic to entertain their patients, but other doctors seem to have failed to see magic's potential in their field. And of course I'm talking about abortion doctors.
Here are some great ideas I have for effects for the good-natured abortion doctor who wishes to lighten the mood in his office and with his patients.
1. It's never too late to learn this lesson. See? You can entertain and educate your patients about the dangers of unprotected sex and exponential population growth. Maybe she's in a bad situation this time, but the power of your message will guarantee you don't end up with a repeat customer.
2. Right before the procedure, load some of these and one of these into her vagina. Then start pulling stuff out, and say, "What the heck's going on in here?" Both you and your patient will be having so much fun, the procedure will be over before either of you know it.
3. I think a needle through balloon with one of these, would be a great effect. (Be sure to pop the balloon at the end for a built-in applause cue.)
4. You could do that version of ring-flite that David Copperfield made famous, wherein the ring appears on a baby shoe that has been in your back pocket. For realism you should have a bloody stump poking out of the shoe.
5. And of course, what abortion magic routine would be complete without this effect?