It's a special Daffydoug edition of Sundry Drive. Daffy, my readers can't get enough of you and your 10-year old email!
I received this email from D.D. (not Daffydoug) wherein he solves a decade old mystery. A mystery less consequential than "What is the flavory of the mystery Dum-Dum?" but a mystery none-the-less. And that is, "What the hell did Daffydoug mean when he called me 'cardosian'?"
Having studied economics in Santiago, Chile (ca. 2000-2001) during my senior year in college, I can tell you with some certainty that “Cardosian” refers to the former Brazilian president and marxist sociologist Fernando Henrique Cardoso. Clearly, that doesn’t make any sense within Daffydoug’s rant so, given his penchant for misspelling, I tried googling “cardosian” with what I assumed to be its synonym: “devilish”. And what did I get?
Google: “Did you mean “Cardassian devilish”?
Well, I have no idea what Cardassian means, either! But with just one more Google I find out it has to do with weird Star Trek characters! Oh, “This must be it!," I think to myself. Getting excited, I wiki CARDASSIAN!: (And I think we have our answer, Andy… excerpted From Wiki on “Cardassian"):
The Obsidian Order is a Cardassian intelligence organization in the Star Trek universe. Security Chief Odo of Deep Space Nine remarked that it was one of the most brutally efficient organizations in the galaxy, being even more ruthless than the Romulan Tal Shiar. The Order kept close tabs on all Cardassian citizens to ensure loyalty, and was greatly feared. It was said that the average Cardassian could not sit down to dinner without the contents of the meal being noted and logged by the Order. Odo also noted that the Order caused people to disappear for even less than eating something of which the Order did not approve, although this statement may have just been an exaggeration for effect.
You are greatly feared, Andy.
I think that solves that. I mean, it's still no clearer to me what the hell he was talking about. But that goes for most of that email.
A.S. writes in to draw my attention to Daffydoug's Cafe profile...
I'm not sure you need to say your interests include "magic" on a website devoted to people interested in magic. If you were on a site devoted to big titties, you wouldn't feel the need to proclaim your interest in big titties.
Some might think he's missing a comma, but I'm going to bet "ventriloquism chess" is a real thing. Like you play chess against a stuffed animal or some shit? So you always win or something. I don't know. I just know when I picture Daffydoug playing chess I imagine him picking up the two kings and smashing them together to "fight" like I used to do with my GI-Joes.
His interests also include: word and vocabular. That has to be another Start Trek thing, right? He didn't really mess up the wording to indicate his interest in words, did he? He never fails to disappoint.
But then J.L. had to write in to inform me of a thread on the Cafe and totally bring me down.
Speaking of Daffydoug, did you know he used to carry his vent dummy around to amusement parks? there was a whole thread of him first telling people, then everybody saying he was a weirdo, then Daffy defending himself.
Some sad shit.
Sad indeed! Look, Daffydoug, I think you're a good dude. I don't like to think of you roaming amusement parks looking for attention. I'd be happy to be your friend if you need someone to talk to. Yeah, I know you essentially wished cancer on me, but I don't have any hard feelings. It's not that I don't carry a grudge. It's that I feel no grudge in the first place. Sure, you may never look at me as anything other than your "orgulous, bovaristic young nemisis" but I have no ill-feelings to you at all. Or any of the other goofballs I used to make fun of on my old site: Steve Brooks, Glenn Bishop, You, the Cafe Staff member who was using the same screen-name in his magic groups as he was on alt.fan.cocksucking as he trolled for "bears" to fuck, or the kid who regaled us with his story of performing for some Chinese people with their "squinchy little eyes." I have great affection for all of you dips. Oh sure, I'd bash my skull in with a Thermos if I had to take a 20-minute bus ride with any of you as my seatmates, but that doesn't mean I have any real dislike for any of you. So if you're feeling lonely and contemplating a trip to the amusement park to... I don't know... pretend you work there?... and try and make friends with your dummy, you can always send me an email instead. We can play online ventriloquism chess or something.