Gardyloo #13

Thanks to Jonah Babins over at the Discourse in Magic blog for his very kind write-up about his picks for the top 5 posts on this blog. 

Although it was far too brief, we were fortunate to have Krystyn Lambert grace magic with her style, energy, and talent for the time that she did. She will be missed.

I hope I'm not jumping to conclusions. But based on her latest Instagram post, I'm expecting us to find (what remains of) her body washed ashore on the beach, in a dumpster, or plugging up some valve at a wastewater treatment plant sometime soon.

Book buyers: I expect The Jerx, Volume One to be shipped to you in approximately two weeks.

Oh, my babies, Daddy needs to get himself a copy of this book: Tricks to Pick Up Chicks. As I've stated before, this is my favorite sub-genre of magic. Take the social awkwardness of your typical magician and combine it with the desperation of your garden-variety pick-up artist and you create an ultra-loser science couldn't hope to build in the lab. The Six Million Dollar Creep.

I'm not against using magic in a manner that may intensify someone's initial interest or attraction. Hell, I'm not even against magic that has overtly sexual elements to it. (Those of you who accumulate the Jerx Points to receive the 20 for 20 book will find an effect in there that involves you sliding a finger into one of your spectator's orifices (your choice). It's about as intimate an effect as there is. But I wouldn't perform it for someone who doesn't already let you put a finger there.) But the way to perform magic to "pick up chicks" is just to do good magic like a normal human. It's the same way you utilize any talent to attract someone—do it effortlessly and really well and not in a creepy off-putting way.

But... maybe I'm wrong? The first effect in this book, as seen in the preview, has me questioning my thought process.

Now, I'm not quite sure how this translates into you picking up the chick. I guess what happens is she sucks on the straw so hard she develops a cerebral aneurysm, and, when it ruptures, her brain is damaged to the point where she finds a loser like you charming?

I guess I'll give it a shot. What do I have to lose? I'm sure she'll be into it. If there's one thing I know about women it's that they love it when a stranger messes around with their drink.

This is going to be a full week of posts. After today, all the posts are somewhat inter-related. We start tomorrow with an older effect of mine called Senses Working Overtime. I don't really do it anymore, but some of you might like it. And it leads into some other things I want to write about later in the week.