And with this post we end the Jerx 2015 Advent Calendar. I hope you've enjoyed this look back. It's sad that it has to end. But look! Up in the sky! It's the first lonely virgin of winter! The cycle continues, and so will this site.
For our final Advent Calendar post you should know that Tannen's is the last of the big magic stores here in NYC. In the early 2000s it was a real shithole. They never had anything in stock and the people demonstrating the products only knew like 4 tricks from the 70s. Since I wrote the post that follows, Tannen's was sold and now it's a pretty decent place to shop if you're in the city. But in 2003 the only purpose it served was as inspiration for my Christmas poem: The Worst Christmas Eve Ever (Locked in Tannen's With Steve Brooks)
Monday, December 22, 2003
Mixing and Mingling (In a Jinglin' Beat)
It's that time again. That magical time of year when the magic of the season overwhelms everyone with good cheer and magical wonder of the magic nature inherent in this magical time of magicness. Aaahhhhh...magic.
Okay, in relative seriousness, I truly hope any and all readers of this site have a good holiday season. With any luck you'll be looking at some time off from work (unless you're a ballologist, in which case there is no time to rest), and you'll have some free time to devote to your family and this hobby that I take a dump on all the time.
I'd like to thank everyone who has written over the short period of time this site has been around. If it wasn't for the feedback I receive, I probably would have abandoned the site long ago, and somebody else would be have carried on the idea and garnered all the fame and fortune. (Like Robert O'Neill and that feces scale I had always intended to make.)
So here's a little holiday gift for my readers (I would have liked to send you all feces scales but the cost was prohibitive). In the tradition of "'Twas the Night Before Christmas," here is my own bit of rhyming verse I simply call...
The Worst Christmas Eve Ever (Locked In Tannen's With Steve Brooks)
I saw him walking down the street
And I followed him because
His stomach was so big and round
I thought he was Santa Clause
It was late on Christmas Eve
When I followed his gigantic rump
He snuck into Tannen's Magic
And I thought, "No, not this dump."
It wasn't Santa, I soon found out
Much to my chagrin
Just me and Steve Brooks in Tannen's
And it seemed we were locked in
He said, "I'm getting hungry."
And his stomach began to quake
He broke a glass display case
And ate a sponge production cake
He ate an effect called "Club Sandwich"
And a rubber chicken too
He said, "I'm finished eating food.
Now what I want is you."
He said, "Let's turn this magic shop
into Sodom and Gomorrah.
Come over here and tit-fuck me
And jizz on my fedora."
He had his way with me that awful night
And now I can't forget him
The memories will last forever
If not the bloody rectum