Yes! It's finally happening! No more atomic wedgies and holding me by my ankles to dip my head in the toilet. I'm finally going to get some respect as a magician. When I mistakenly vanish a banana instead of a bandana, people are going to recognize that what I'm doing is a rare and valuable art form and a national treasure. Don't believe me? Well they're going to have to because it's practically going to be the law, you fucking dummies. U.S.A.!U.S.A.! M.A.G.I.C.! M.A.G.I.C.!
Finally, I won't have to keep trying to convince people that what I'm showing them is worthwhile. They will simply be able to look up the legislation that says it is. Because that's how you know you're really respected as an art form, when you have to try and mandate that people show it some respect.
"Bu-bu-bu-but Andy, what evidence do you have that magic is a national treasure and a rare and valuable art form?" Oh, gee, I don't know. Why don't you read the text of that resolution and find out? What's the problem? Afraid of having your mind blown by the amazing contributions magic has made to society? Go ahead and read it. When you're done you'll be like, "Uhm, can someone tell me why we teach science in school and not magic?"
Here are just some of the important contributions magic has made to this country and the world:
-- Did you know that out of the millions of people David Copperfield has performed for, one of them took a dance class after seeing his show. It's true!
-- Did you know that the mayor of a Texas city uses magic to teach elementary school students about the different roles and responsibilities of local government? Now that sounds like some compelling stuff. And it certainly should be singled out as representative of the heights of what the art can achieve.
-- Did you know Leonardo da Vinci co-wrote a magic book? Well, that's because he didn't. His friend wrote it. But that's practically co-writing it.
-- Did you know Arthur C. Clarke once wrote a sentence with the word magic in it? The sentence isn't about magic. It's intended to be a commentary on technology. But still though, that's pretty impressive. Out of all the words in the world, he mentioned magic.
Yes, these are the examples that were chosen from the past few centuries of magic to suggest that magic is a vibrant, thriving, and important art form. What other conclusion could you draw? Did I mention the girl who took dance lessons after seeing a Copperfield show? I did? Okay, just wanted to make sure.
My hope is that this resolution passes and that we can finally, FINALLY, get the respect we deserve. It will be so meaningful to have it written into a resolution. So much better than actually earning it. It's like when you're in 4th grade and you send out your birthday invitations and no one replies so your dad calls the parents of all the kids in your class and makes them promise to come and offers to give them money to spend on a present. You know, an organic showing of appreciation like that.
I'm so happy Washington D.C. is finally focusing on the important things. Make Magic Great Again! Forgetful Freddy for U.S. Senate! The bill in lemon should be a law in lemon!