Glossy Looks

I know Tuesdays/Thursdays are usually ad posts where I encourage you to subscribe to the JAMM monthly magazine if you like this site, but it's hard to write about that when we all only have one thing on our mind... the 13th year anniversary of the special T.H.E.M (Totally Hidden Extreme Magic) on NBC!

In honor of that momentous occasion, here is my review from the old site...

Prepare to Have Your Mind Blown

from The Magic Circle Jerk, June 24th 2004 

Check this shit out.

Think of any number between 1 and 100.

Add 7.

Subtract your original number.

Now concentrate on that new number in your head.

Is it 7?

How did I do that incredible feat? I'm one of T.H.E.M.

So, the show last night, I thought it was pretty sweet. I hope there is more to come.

The way every segment ended was kind of weak. I understand the idea of having a catchphrase, but the catchphrase seemed to go on for a minute every time. It was like the least funny Abbott and Costello bit ever:

How did you do that?

I'm one of THEM.

One of who?

One of THEM.

Them who?

You know, THEM.

What are you talking about?

I'm one of THEM.

Right, I know you said that but what do you mean?

I'm one of THEM.

Whatever, asshole. 

But besides that, I thought it was fun. The magic was cool and the magicians were not completely uncool. And there's certainly something to be said for giving magic a context (which Blaine did in many of his effects as well). 

Some people are up in arms because they feel the magicians dressed poorly and the show was full of "MTV editing," whatever the fuck that means. To them I say, listen, Grandpa, if you want to see some douche in tails pulling cards out of the air and tossing them in a top hat go to any magic convention, you'll have a blast.

Speaking of douches, my god, check out this site created by Brad Christian of Ellusionist. Now, it's certainly a wise business move for Christian to tie Ellusionist to this special (just as he piggy-backed on Blaine). But look at what a fucking lame-oid he is as he tries to use this site to hit on the girl, Lisa, from the show. He's a total tool. 

"the rest of the cast is excellent, but Lisa de la Vega outshines"

"Lisa has charisma to burn and her glossy looks into the camera give the show a vital lift..." 

"She's the best female magician I've ever seen..."

"the vivacious Lisa de la Vega."

"Magicians around the world saying 'Why couldn't I have married her?'"

And so on. All the tricks have generic titles in his review, "Man Walking Through Window," etc. But her tricks are "Lisa Bends A Spoon," "Lisa Performs Hummer Card." What a homo.

(Here's a tip for the fellas from me. Being overly-complimentary makes you look A) disingenuous B) desperate and C) fucking stupid. Let's say you have a date for the evening, you go to her door to pick her up, she opens the door, you say hi, give her a quick glance up and down then say, "Wow. You look amazing." Boom. That's great, incredible. She'll be flattered. If you then spend the rest of the night saying things like, "I hope this restaurant is good enough for such a pretty girl," and "You're the best looking woman in this place," and "There's nothing I like more than Putt-Putt with a sexy woman." You look like a total ass. Compliment her sense of humor or intelligence or something substantial, but shelve the "you're so beautiful" shit. You got that out of the way at a meaningful and appropriate time (when you first laid eyes on her that evening). Then the next day when you call her or write her you can reiterate what a great time you had and how wonderful she looked, and so on. But again, don't overdo it.) The preceding paragraph is an excerpt from my new book "Using Wonder Words and a Breakaway Wand to get Mad Pussy."

The dumbest thing he writes is in the description of The Vanishing Lady, "...the piece is effective and we realize one thing we hadn't thought of before... women can do magic and it doesn't have to be the Egg on Fan or a freaking silk production." In attempting to flatter her, he ends up sounding like a total dipshit. Considering this trick has been done for a 100 years with a woman, I'm surprised he just came to this realization now. He might also be shocked to find out that women are also lawyers and scientists, and thanks to a recent act of Congress, a woman can even be a doctor now! 

In summation, I enjoyed the special quite a bit, and I'd like to see more, however it will be hard to watch further episodes and see Lisa and not think of Brad Christian involved in a session of Totally Heinous Extreme Masturbation.