What he was trying to say: I got my picture on the cover of MAGIC magazine!
What it actually says: I got my DWI mugshot on the cover of MAGIC magazine. :(
What he was trying to say: I am a powerful magician who commands your obedience.
What it actually says: I'm the Netherlands' #1 transexual dominatrix.
What he was trying to say: Behold ye, the masquerade that is LIFE! Perchance our true visages be revealed in the disguises we don.
What it actually says: Speaking of wearing people's faces as masks, you better pray you don't bump into me in a dark alley, or that will be your fate. And then I'll go to your home and fuck your wife while wearing your face.
What he was trying to say: My brain... what can I say about it? My mind is like... a finely crafted machine. The gears, ever spinning. The machine of my mind... processing the world around me and manufacturing moments of genius.
What it actually says: Uhhh... does anyone know where in the skull the brain is located? It's...uhm...that thing that hangs down in the back of your throat is part of the brain, right? Aw, crud, I don't even know. And hey! Wait a minute! These gears aren't even interlocked in any way! It's just loose gears rattling around in my skull. They might as well be fucking bottle caps.
What he was trying to say: My avatar expresses my interest in the magical and ventriloquial arts. (And it's simple, clever animation makes it the best avatar on the Cafe.)
What it actually says: I cannot tell you how many times I've masturbated to that scene in the Anthony Hopkins movie, Magic. No... not the scene where he makes love to Ann-Margret. The one where he beats Burgess Meredith to death with the dummy.