A Critical Examination of Cafe Avatars: Volume 1

Subject #1
TommEE Pickles

What he was trying to say: I got my picture on the cover of MAGIC magazine! 

What it actually says: I got my DWI mugshot on the cover of MAGIC magazine. :(


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Subject #2
Marc O

What he was trying to say: I am a powerful magician who commands your obedience.

What it actually says: I'm the Netherlands' #1 transexual dominatrix. 


Subject #3

What he was trying to say: Behold ye, the masquerade that is LIFE! Perchance our true visages be revealed in the disguises we don.

What it actually says: Speaking of wearing people's faces as masks, you better pray you don't bump into me in a dark alley, or that will be your fate. And then I'll go to your home and fuck your wife while wearing your face.

Subject #4

What he was trying to say: My brain... what can I say about it? My mind is like... a finely crafted machine. The gears, ever spinning. The machine of my mind... processing the world around me and manufacturing moments of genius.

What it actually says: Uhhh... does anyone know where in the skull the brain is located? It's...uhm...that thing that hangs down in the back of your throat is part of the brain, right? Aw, crud, I don't even know. And hey! Wait a minute! These gears aren't even interlocked in any way! It's just loose gears rattling around in my skull. They might as well be fucking bottle caps. 

Subject #5
Eddie Garland

What he was trying to say: My avatar expresses my interest in the magical and ventriloquial arts. (And its simple, clever animation makes it the best avatar on the Cafe.)

What it actually says: I cannot tell you how many times I've masturbated to that scene in the Anthony Hopkins movie, Magic. No... not the scene where he makes love to Ann-Margret. The one where he beats Burgess Meredith to death with the dummy.